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This is the very first script, I changed all my dialouges in Bihari Hindi and these dialouges were written by pensil on our scripts, so cannot get the final version of it.
Narration: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our show. Our play starts with our friend Hari Prasad Thakur, who has just returned from another vacation in India where he was royally pampered by his family and friends. Now he is back to reality, and after a struggle to find a decent apartment, he is all set to start his senior year of graduate school with his new rent-sharing roommate whom he will be meeting for the first time. Cast: Setting: Typical room in an apartment. Hari Prasad and his friend Ashwin enter carrying large boxes. Ashwin: Hey, Hari Prasad, where do you want this box? Hari Prasad: Just put it anywhere for now Ashwin. Baad mein khali karenge. I have to see what can go where. Ashwin: Ya, you need a lot of room for all these things you got from India this time. Hari Prasad: My mother gave me so many things. I kept telling her that this was my senior year of graduate school. I will be returning to India as soon as I finish my studies, so don’t give me all these things. But she won’t listen. Instead, I had to pay extra for bringing all that luggage from India. Ashwin: You better hope that your roommate doesn’t have much stuff, otherwise the apartment will be so crowded. By the way, who is your new roommate? Hari Prasad: He is an American. Ashwin: How did you meet him? Is he a friend? Hari Prasad: Nahi yaar. I don’t even know this character. He is an American. Ashwin: So how did you hook up with him? Hari Prasad: By the time I came back from India, I couldn’t find any vacancies. None of you guys had saved a room for me. Fortunately this guy had advertised in the newspaper for a roommate. I called him and he agreed to share the place with me. He sounds quite nice. The sound of a key turning in the lock on the door. Roommate enters carrying boxes. Hari Prasad: Namaste, can I help you? Roommate: Hi! Sure you can help me. Get those boxes out of the way, so I can find place to set my stuff down. Hari Prasad: But why are you bringing your things here? This is my apartment. Roommate: It’s mine too. Hari Prasad: No, it’s rented by a fellow named Sam Cooper, and you are a desi. Roommate: Oh that’s me. I am Sam Cooper, actually Shyam Kapoor, but Sam suits me so much better than that old-fashioned Shyam. Hari Prasad: Ye to sala desi nhikla. Ashwin: Desi nahi, ye to ABCD hai. Hari Prasad: ABCD? Ashwin: American Born Confused Desi. Shyam: Anyway, you must be Harry, the guy I am to share this apartment with. Hari Prasad: Not Harry, I am Hari Prasad, that too Hari Prasad Thakur. Don’t ever call me Harry again. Shyam: Okay, okay, cool it dude. You sound just like my Dad there. Scary! Shyam starts to move boxes around. He tries to lift one of Hari Prasad’ boxes but finds it too heavy. Shyam: Dude, what do you have in there? Rocks? Hari Prasad: Not rocks. See, here is a brand new pressure cooker. Ashwin (takes packets of dals and masalas and pickles): And masalas fresh from India. Wah wah! Kya dhania ki smell hai. Hari Prasad: Absolutely fresh! Hand ground by my mother. Punjab ki smell hai bhai. Shyam: Fresh smell? It stinks in here. I hope you aren’t planning on actually cooking with that stuff? Ashwin: And pickles? Aam ka achar. I am in heaven. Hari Prasad: Oh no, the achar bottle leaked. Shyam: And that oil is all over your clothes. You’ll never be able to get that junk off your clothes. Hari Prasad: That’s why I brought this “Washing powder Nirma”. It can clean anything. Shyam (as he sees Hari Prasad taking out soap and tootHari Prasadaste):
Are you telling me you hauled tootHari Prasadaste all the way from
India too? Hari Prasad (looking at Shyam’s things): Vitamins? You take vitamins? Here, try some Chyawan Prash. That’s the only thing that will help you. These multi-vitamins shaped like cartoon characters won’t make you any stronger Shyam. Shyam: It’s Sam, not Shyam. And I like my Flintstones just fine, thank you. Hari Prasad (shakes his head as he takes his things out): Arey Ashwin, is semester mein to ye angrez ki aulad bahut tang karega. It’s going to be a rough semester with this crazy guy. Shyam (shakes his head as he takes his things out): Man, am I in for it this semester with this crazy character for a roommate. They keep talking as lights go out. Narration: And so time passes. Classes start and Shyam and Harry, sorry Sam and Hari Prasad, too start the new semester with a bang. Setting: Shyam is sitting with a cup of coffee. Hari Prasad enters in night clothes. Shyam: Hey Harry, what are you doing still at home? Didn’t you have that class at 6:30 in the morning today? Hari Prasad: Arey sube sube to Harry mat bol. Shyam: Okay Hari Prasad bhai, what are you still doing here? It is after 7 a.m. Hari Prasad: Baat mat karo uski. When I called to register for the class, they said only two people had signed up for it. They said that since that class is held so early in the morning it is always empty and no one signs up for it. So I thought why rush. I had so many things to do, so I waited till yesterday. Shyam: So what happened yesterday? Hari Prasad: Arey, when I got there, the registrar said that the class was full. She was very surprised by that. Shyam: Did she say what had happened? How did this class suddenly become so popular? Hari Prasad: She didn’t know, but I know what happened. Shyam: What happened? Hari Prasad: You know those new Indian girls who have just come to our University? Shyam: Which new girls? Hari Prasad: I only know the name of the one who caused me all this trouble. The beautiful Sheila. Shyam: You mean…. Hari Prasad: Yes, that pretty Sheila signed up for that class. And the next thing you know, all the desi bhais ran and signed up for that class too. All these nikammas who never woke up before eight o’clock in their lives all ended up in that class. Shyam: That’s funny. Hari Prasad: That might be funny for you. But now I have to find another class to register for. Shyam: Anyway, you enjoy your coffee. I have to get ready for my day. Pop quiz today I believe. Shyam leaves and Ashwin and Neil enter, groaning and looking in pain. Hari Prasad: Arey, what are you guys doing here so early? I thought you Kumbhkaran ke bhai didn’t wake up until noon on Monday mornings. Neil: Don’t ask. Hari Prasad: And why are you groaning? Were you hit by a car or something? Ashwin: That might have been less painful. No, we went to the gym this morning. Ashwin: And we “pumped iron” there. Hari Prasad: You guys and pumping iron? Ha, ha, ha. Kabhi weights ki bhi shakal dekhi hai pehle? Neil: That’s the whole problem. Nobody told me that elliptical machine was such a torture. Ashwin: And that bench pressing twenty pounds would hurt my arms so badly. Ashwin: What are you complaining about? You only ran one mile. I ran two miles. Ashwin: But who did the rock climbing? You or me? Neil: Don’t talk to me. Every muscle in my body is hurting. Ashwin: Even muscles that I never even knew I had in my body are hurting. Hari Prasad: But why did you suddenly decide to work out. Pehle to kabhi gym mein galti se bhi nahi gaye the. Neil: I went to become stronger. But this Ashwin went to impress that new girl Pooja. Ashwin: Ya right! Then why were you following Pooja around? Pooja ke saamne to thirty pound weights uthane ki koshish ki thi toone. Hari Prasad: Who is Pooja? Neil: Pooja? She is that beauty. That new Indian girl who has just joined the university. Hari Prasad: I thought that is Sheila. Ashwin: Which world are you living in Hari Prasad? There are two beautiful girls. Sheila and Pooja. Neil: And because of Pooja, the gym was packed with desi bhais this morning. Ashwin: Skinny guys trying to flex their muscles to impress her. That was pathetic. Neil: And those skinny legs in the shiny gym shorts was a horrible sight. Especially early in the morning. That too before breakfast. Ashwin: At least Pooja got to see one handsome Indian. Neil: Yes, and that was me. Hari Prasad: You guys are too much. America padhai karne ke liye aaye ho ya ladkion ke peeche bhagne? Arey your parents are paying hefty tuition bills to have you educated in America or to chase girls. Neil: Hari Prasad, you are the most boring guy. Ashwin: You don’t understand beauty. Hari Prasad: All I know is that because of your beautiful girls, I couldn’t register for my class. Bhad mein gai tumhari Sheila aur Pooja. Shyam enters Shyam: Pooja, which Pooja are you talking about? Neil (to Ashwin): Why should we tell him? Besides, I don’t even like this guy. Ashwin (to Neil): Me too. I openly avoid him even though he tries to hang around with us. Hari Prasad: Pooja is one of the new Indian girls. Shyam: Are you talking about Pooja Saxena? Neil (to Ashwin): Oh no, I hope he doesn’t want to enter the competition too. Ashwin: Yes, and she is the most beautiful girl on campus! Shyam: Yuck! How can you talk about Pooja that way? Neil: What do you mean? All the boys are after her. Shyam: After Pooja? But she is just a kid. She was my next door neighbor. We grew up together. She is practically like my kid sister. Neil and Ashwin (both suddenly interested): Your kid sister? Neil: Arey Shyam, how come you don’t hang out with me? Ashwin: Baajoo hut Neil. I was planning on inviting Shyam to go with us to the student talent show tomorrow. Shyam, I was just telling Hari Prasad what an interesting guy you were. It’s too bad that you haven’t had any time to talk with us. Neil: But I thought you just said you were going out of your way to avoid him. Ashwin: I was talking about somebody else. I’ve always liked Shyam. I mean Sam. Right Sam? And I’ll see you tomorrow Sam. You’ll come right? (Sam nods). Oh good. Ashwin and Neil leave Shyam: What nice friendly guys those two are. They really like me. Hari Prasad: Shyam, you are a bigger fool than you look. Shyam: What? Hari Prasad: It’s not you they like. It’s your so-called kid sister Pooja that they are after. Shyam: No way man. Pooja is just a kid. Hari Prasad: Pooja is the reason that all these desi bhais have been going to the gym. The ones that didn’t sign up for the class with Sheila go to the gym to see Pooja. Shyam: Pooja, but she is just, just… Pooja. Hari Prasad: Maybe to you she’s just Pooja, but to the others she is POOJA!!! Shyam: That’s just sick man! Anyway, you should meet Pooja. Then you’ll see. She is just the nice plain little girl next door. Just a nice girl with modern views. Hari Prasad: Don’t tell me, tell the others. I am not interested in looking at girls here. Especially girls with modern views. I’ll just finish my studies here and then go back to India and marry a nice conservative girl that my parents choose for me. Shyam: Are you kidding? You want to have an arranged marriage? Hari Prasad: Exactly. I’ll let my parents pick some nice traditional girl. None of this “modern girl” stuff for me. Shyam: You sound like you are still living in ancient times my friend. Hari Prasad: Not at all. Arranged marriages are so common in India. It is much easier. You don’t have to worry about looking for girls and dating and getting rejected my half a dozen girls. Here you just sit back and let your parents do the looking for you. Shyam: But what if you don’t like the girl your parents choose for you? What if she looks like a dog? Hari Prasad: Oh, we don’t have to worry about that. Our moms take care of that. They want beautiful and talented daughters-in-law. Shyam: And not “modern” ones! Hari Prasad: No, I want someone who is pretty with long dark hair decorated with flowers. Shyam: Think of the amount of shampoo you’ll have to buy. Hari Prasad: Her beautiful large eyes lined with kajal. Shyam: Think of the makeup bills. Hari Prasad: Somebody who is shy and demure. Shyam: And whose eyes are always downcast in your presence and who never raises her voice in your presence. Hari Prasad: And who makes nice perfect round rotis. Shyam: Who sounds perfectly boring! Hari Prasad: And what kind of girl are you looking for, since you don’t want your parents to find you a girl? Shyam: Oh, I like nice modern girls. One who will be my equal partner, just like my mom is with my dad. Hari Prasad: Like what? Shyam: Somebody who is confident and not shy. Hari Prasad: That means someone who can fill her own car, and your car, with petrol. Shyam: Someone who is not inhibited about doing anything. Hari Prasad: Which means that she’ll mow your lawn while you sit on the couch and watch TV. Shyam: Someone who is articulate and intelligent. Hari Prasad: So she can do your taxes while you play golf. Shyam: Doesn’t that kind of a woman sound perfect? Hari: Have you started looking for this virtuous woman yet? Shyam: I don’t have time yet, what with studies and all. Hari Prasad: That’s why I am telling you to let your parents find the girl for you. Then there is no pressure for you. You just sit back and study and don’t worry about having to impress any girl. Shyam: Never. I am too independent for that. But what about you? Why don’t you look at all those beautiful girls like those friends of yours? Hari Prasad: That’s too much work for me. Besides, like I said, I don’t want to waste my time and energy trying to impress some girl. Let the girls and their parents try to impress me through those arranged marriages. Shyam: We’ll see when the time comes Harry. If you fall in love with the right girl, you might be singing a different tune. Hari Prasad: Hari Prasad Thakur, the son of Vishwanath Prasad Thakur, will never waste his time like that. Ye hamaare khaandan ki izzat ka sawaal hai. Shyam: Probably true for Hari Prasad Thakur’s family, but here you are Harry. And Harry might think differently. Hari Prasad: Never! Once a Hari Prasad Thakur, always a Hari Prasad Thakur. Shyam: Right Harry! Anyway, I had better get ready and look good tonight at this big student talent show. End of Scene 1
Scene 2
Cast: Setting: Same apartment. Hari Prasad and Shyam are studying. Knock on the door. Shyam opens the door. Enter Pooja, Sabrina and Alisha Shyam: Hey Harry, meet my friends Pooja, Sabrina and Alisha. Hari Prasad: I already know Sabrina and Alisha. Hello girls. Hello Pooja. Pooja: Hi Harry. Hari Prasad: It’s Hari Prasad, not Harry. Pooja: Whatever! (turning to Shyam): Sam are you going to the Navratri function tonight? Shyam: I don’t know Pooja. I have a whole bunch of exams coming up. Sabrina: Oh come on Sam, it will be fun. It’s just for a few hours. Alisha: Yes, all of us are going. Shyam: Okay, sounds good. Will you join us too Harry? Hari Prasad: I don’t know. Besides, how will we go? All of us won’t fit in one car. I don’t think I’ll come. I have to study. Pooja: Well, Sam has a car, and Javed will drive too. Sam: Javed is going too? But I thought he is Muslim. Sabrina: So what if he is Muslim? Alisha: I think Sam is wondering what a Muslim will do at a Hindu Navratri celebration. Hari Prasad: Shyam, in India, we all celebrate all the religious festivals together. Sabrina: Exactly. Even though I am a Hindu, I celebrate Eid with my Muslim friends. Alisha: And I celebrate Christmas with my Christian friends. Hari Prasad: That way we get to eat all the different types of food and have all the fun. Pooja: Sam you are silly. Even I knew that, even though we grew up here. Even here in our own community we do that, don’t we? Sam: Ya, but I thought that with all the fighting these days in India, things might be different now. Pooja: With all the different religious groups, India is still a secular country that embraces everybody’s differences. Sabrina: And Sam, the general Indian public doesn’t feel that way about hating other religious groups. It’s not the regular people who do all this fighting. Alisha: Precisely. Everyone still lives together in harmony and peace. It’s these ruffians who use the name of religion to create fights. But the real public doesn’t believe them. Pooja: None of the religions teach people to hate others and to kill others in the name of religion. Alisha: This is just the goondas and the crooks taking advantage. Sabrina: And some politicians. Hari Prasad: Isn’t that the same thing? Politicians and crooks. Pooja: That was funny Harry. Hari Prasad (looking at Pooja with interest): Thanks Pooja. I didn’t realize that Indians who grew up in America knew so much about India and things “back home”. Pooja: You’ll be surprised Harry. Sometimes, my parents think that we do more “Indian” things here than they did when they were in India. Shyam: Don’t call him Harry, Pooja. He is Hari Prasad. Hari Prasad: It’s okay Shyam. (Smiles at Pooja) Harry sounds just fine. Alisha: Okay Harry, so are you coming or not? Shyam: I think Harry is suddenly ready to come, studies or no studies. Right Harry? Hari Prasad: Shut up Shyam. Pooja, do you want me to come? Pooja: If you want to. Why should I care? Hari Prasad: That’s good enough for me. Let’s go guys. They all leave.
Cast:
Sam: Those were great dances at the Navratri program. It was amazing to see all those different Indian dances. So beautiful. Isn’t it Hari Prasad? Hari Prasad: Harry bol na yaar. Pooja likes the name Harry better. Sam: So that’s what is happening now! Harry: You have to make Pooja like me Sam. Harry: What? Hari Prasad Thakur actually likes a modern girl? Harry: And why not? Sam: But what about all that stuff about completing studies and going back to India for an arranged marriage with the traditional girl of your dreams? Harry: Pooja has a great sense of tradition. Sam: True. But Pooja is a very modern girl too. You know, no long hair, no kajal. Harry: Her hair is beautiful just the way it is, and her eyes sparkle even without kajal. Sam: And she can’t cook to save her life. And as for rotis, forget about it. Harry: Arey roti kisko chahiye. I can do the cooking. I can make the rotis. Sam: Vishwanath Prasad Thakur’s son and making rotis? What happens to your parivar’s izzat, the family honor, if you, a man, stand in front of the kitchen stove? Harry: Arey Sam, don’t make fun of me. Just get Pooja to at least look at me. You know what a nice guy I am. Sam: Could be difficult. She likes modern guys. And look at you. Harry: And what’s wrong with me? I even let people call me Harry these days without beating them up. Sam: But you have to change your image too. Wear stylish clothes dude. Instead of coconut oil, put some mousse in your hair. And for heaven’s sake change your deodorant. Harry: deodorant? I don’t use any of that stuff. I let my natural odors attract the girls. Sam: That’s why they run half a mile away when you get near them. And your clothes, dude, you need a major makeover. Harry: You don’t like my clothes now? Sam: And those clogs have got to go. Harry: You mean my Kolhapuri chappals. But they are real leather! Sam: Harry, Harry, Harry, you’ve got to learn. So let’s go shopping! Harry: Let me check my schedule. Sam: And that’s another thing. It’s not schedule, its schedule buddy. Harry: Nobody told me that impressing a girl would be that difficult. Isn’t it enough that I am so good looking and such a good student, always getting “A” marks in my classes. Sam: Not marks, call them grades. And …(Vinoo: insert some of your stuff here) Harry: Okay, I suppose I can do this. Just for Pooja. Okay, tell me what else I need to change? Sam: I’ll tell you. First let’s get you some new clothes and take you to get your hair styled. Harry: But when do I get to impress Pooja with my new style and my new accent? Sam: Tomorrow. Some of the local kids are doing a dance for a cultural program. Harry: And Pooja is teaching them how to dance? Sam: Not Pooja, but one of our family friends, Sarika aunty. Harry: So what does Pooja have to do with this Sarika aunty? Sam: Sarika aunty is a family friend who happens to be a great cook. She talks a lot, but she is a good cook. And she’s invited Pooja and me to meet her after this dance rehearsal to go to her house for dinner. Harry: So Pooja will meet you there? Sam: And you can meet her there with me. Harry: And we can also see the kids dance. Sam: That will be great. Harry: So let’s go and remember to say “schedule” now. They leave.
Hari Prasad Thakur Ashutosh Setting: Auditorium Aarti: Hey guys! You know what! I just saw Devdas last night. Nikhil: Oh my gosh, I was there too. How come I didn’t see you? Aarti: We were late getting there. It was such a long drive to Bridgeville. Arpan: Believe me, you didn’t miss anything by being late. Quite honestly, I thought it was boring. Omar: Me too. That Devdas dude was such a bore! Amol: Yes. First he wants the girl, then he dumps the girl and then he wants her again, especially after she was married. Aarti: Oh, you boys are all nerds. I thought that the movie was neat. And what beautiful clothes! What fabulous jewelry! Neha: And the dances! And of course, I loved Shahrukh Khan’s character. So sensitive. Omar: Are you kidding? All he did was to get drunk and fall all over himself. Aarti: You boys are crazy. Neha, you are absolutely right. The dances were lovely. Especially “Dola Re Dola”. Neha: Aishwariya Rai and Madhuri Dixit were spectacular in that dance. Amol: What was so spectacular about that? See, even I can do a better job than that. Amol dances and everyone laughs. Aarti: Oh Amol, do you call that dancing? Speaking of good dances, I loved the dances in Lagaan. Nikhil: Now that was a good movie. Omar: With nice songs! Arpan: Forget all that. It was the cricket scenes that were the best parts of that movie. Neha: Okay, okay, now don’t start thinking you are Sachin Tendulkar. Omar: Yes, Sarika aunty will come in and make us all into dancers instead of cricketers now. Amol: Sarika aunty will come in and say, “Baccha party, come on get lined up for the dance. Boys, now you have to think that you are all Hritik Roshan”. Aarti: And she’ll say, “And girls, you should think that you are Kareena Kapoor”. Nikhil: Anyway, where is Sarika aunty? She is really late today. Amol: She is running on Indian Standard Time, so she has to be late. Omar: While we wait here in these dorky clothes. Nikhil: That’s another thing. Why do we have to wear these dorky clothes today. Neha: Because it’s the dress rehearsal today, of course. Besides, I like getting dressed up. Arpan: And why do we have to have a dress rehearsal? Omar: Because Sarika aunty said so. And if Sarika aunty says something, we have to do it. Aarti: Or else, she’ll say that she won’t put us in Madonna’s next music video. Neha: What I love about Sarika aunty are her wild excuses for being late. Amol: Yeah, like she’ll say, “Sorry I’m late kids, but Julia Roberts called just as I was leaving home.” Aarti: And she’ll add, “And Madonna is just begging me to work on her music video. She made me late”. They all laugh. Nikhil: But I thought she worked only with Indian movie stars! Neha: And that too, only with famous stars like Aishwariya Rai no less. Arpan: She’ll waltz in here any minute now with her cell phone and her glamorous sun glasses. Amol: (Copies her walk). And she’ll say, “Ever since I went to India last summer, these Hindi film stars have been after me! Especially after I taught Aishwariya Rai how to dance”. Aarti: (Also copying her). And then she’ll say, “And of course all the new stars have been calling me wanting makeup tips from me after I taught Kareena Kapoor how to wear makeup.” They all laugh. Neha: If only she didn’t exaggerate so much, she is so wonderful. Omar: Sure. But at every party she has to tell the same stories! Arpan: And everyone knows that her stories about all those movie stars aren’t in the least bit true. Nikhil: That’s what makes it so funny. Aarti: You know what will be funny guys? If we all go to her and insist that she takes us with her when she goes to see Madonna! Neha: That should put a stop to her stories then. Omar: Let’s do it guys, let’s try that today and see how she gets out of that one! Arpan: Oh she’ll find some way. Oh, oh she’s here! They all laugh, as Sarika aunty bustles in just then. Sarika aunty: (clapping her hands). Sorry I am late kids, but Julia Roberts called just as I was leaving home. The kids look at the audience and laugh. Sarika aunty: Baccha party, come on hurry up, hurry up. Let’s get this show moving. Don’t dawdle or we’ll be late. Omar: But aunty, you are the one who is late. Sarika aunty: I can’t help it. All these calls from India! I should never have gone to India, now all these film stars are bothering me all the time. And then there are these “foreign” stars. Julia Roberts? She is too much. And of course that Madonna. She is harassing me to work on her music video. That girl has no talent. Nikhil: Which other stars did you work with today aunty? Sarika aunty: You name them and they are calling me. And they cannot do without me. All of them want your Sarika aunty to help them. How much work can this poor soul do? Neha: Oh come on aunty, you have so much energy! Sarika aunty: After I taught Aishwariya Rai how to dance, she absolutely refuses to dance unless I help her. Aarti: Aishwariya Rai! (They all nudge each other). Sarika aunty: And Kareena Kapoor! I should never have taught her how to use make up. Now all the other stars call me from India begging me to teach them how to use makeup! Neha: Oh aunty! Sarika Aunty: Aur Aamir Khan ki to baat hi mat karo! He is constantly e-mailing me. I had to block his address from my computer to make him stop harassing me. He is so embarrassed after Lagaan. Poor boy didn’t win the Oscar only because he didn’t have me choreograph his dances in that movie. Now he’s regretting it, poor thing. Arpan: It’s a good thing you managed to find time for us aunty. Sarika aunty: Oh I have to do things for you kids. After all who knows which of you will be the next Kareena Kapoor? (She looks at the boys) Or who will be the next Hritik Roshan? Come on kids. The kids line up on the dance floor. Sarika aunty: Okay, today all of you must try this dance together. Let’s have the music and let’s get started. I’ll watch you from the front. Start the music! Dance: Bardaasht Sarika aunty: That was not bad. But we can do much better. I want to see big smiles kids. And at least act like you are having fun. We’ll practice again tomorrow before the show. Now I have to go. I have to return Abhishek Bachchan’s telephone call. Bachhe ko dance karna sikhana hai. He is so wooden you know. Aur phir Madonna ke bhi to jaana hai. She starts to leave. Kids run after her. Aarti: But aunty, you promised us that you’d put us in Madonna’s video. Amol: Yes aunty, can’t we come with you now? Sarika aunty: You want to be in Madonna’s video? Aarti: Yes aunty, you promised. Sarika aunty: (flustered): Aur kabhi, aur kabhi. Not today, Madonna only wants me alone today. All the kids: But aunty, please, please, please. They all run off stage after her as she tries
to get away from them. Pooja: Sarika aunty hasn’t changed a bit has she Sam? Sam: Not at all. Pooja: You know what will be funny. If someday Madonna actually showed up and said “Who is this Sarika?” Sam: Oh poor Sarika aunty. We don’t want to spoil her fun! Anyway, see who is here today Pooja. Pooja: Harry? You look different today. Harry: Thanks Pooja, so do you. Pooja: Thanks. Sam are you bringing Harry to Sarika aunty’s? You know how she loves inviting new people to her house. Sam: That’s the plan. Harry: Especially since my schedule allowed me to have some free time. Sam (to Harry): Nice job! Harry: I think she likes me. Sam: Now you are pushing it. Harry: I have to. I have to move fast. Graduation is coming up. I’ll be leaving to return to India soon. Sam: Then you don’t have much time. Sam: And don’t forget. You are coming with me. You want to see India with a true Indian don’t you? Sam: I sure do. Is it okay with your parents? Harry: Of course. I emailed my mother that I am bringing my best friend with me. So you will be welcomed with open arms at my place. That’s our Indian way. They all leave. Scene 5
Cast:
Shanti: Shalini, you are such a good girl. It’s so nice to have your family as our next door neighbors. Not like that Radhika and Raghuvir. Shalini: Mummy says the same thing aunty. And I feel like this is my home too. After all, Hari Prasad and I practically grew up in each other’s houses. Shanti: I know beti. You are just like my daughter. Radhika and Kanta (neighbors) come in. Radhika: Shanti, what are you doing here? You are supposed to be getting everything ready for Hari Prasad’s welcome. Instead you are just sitting here reading. Shalini, wo koi bhangra ya kucch tayyar kravaya ki nahi Hari prasad ke aane ki khushi mein? Kanta: Arey ye Shanti to wohi Hari Prasad ka letter padh rahi hai phir se. How many times are you going to read that letter? He is coming himself today so why do you need the letter now? Shanti: Poore ek saal ke baad aa raha hai mera beta. Radhika: Aur wo bhi “phoren-returned”. Kanta: Isi liye to tumhare ghar mein aaj kal ladkion ke maa-baap ki line lagi rehti hai. The parents of all the eligible girls in town are circling your house. Radhika: But we all know that Shanti is getting influenced by that Durga. Durga wants her daughter Shalini to marry Hari Prasad. That’s why she sends Shalini over all the time to impress Shanti. Isn’t that true Shalini? Shalini looks up. Shanti turns to Radhika to make her keep quiet. Shanti: Shalini beti, can you put some fresh flowers in Hari Prasad’s room too? (Shalini leaves, Shanti looks angrily at Radhika) Radhika what is your problem? You say whatever comes to your mind. You embarrassed poor Shalini. Radhika: What did I do? I just told the truth. Kanta: Is that true Shanti? Have you already decided to have Hari Prasad marry Shalini? Shanti: We all like her. Shalini is such a nice and pretty girl. And she understands our traditions. Radhika: That is all nonsense. Shanti, now you must look for a more beautiful girl for your son. He is “phoren-returned” now after all. Shanti: I think Shalini is good. Radhika: I don’t think so. These educated girls these days are no good. They have all these ideas! Our Hari Prasad can do better than that. Kanta: Shanti, I think our Radhika has someone specific in mind. Radhika: Be quiet Kanta. I am only saying it for Shanti’s good. You know my sister’s daughter Roopa. Now she would be perfect for Hari Prasad. She is so tall and beautiful, and most importantly, she is so fair. And Shanti, she has only completed tenth class, so she doesn’t have any of these new ideas in her head yet. So you can mold her exactly how you would want your daughter-in-law to be. Enter Vishwanath Prasad with Raghuvir (Radhika’s husband) and Premlal (Kanta’s husband) VISHWANATH PRASAD: Arey kya baaten ho rahi hain idhar? Kanta: Bhaisahib, Radhika was just proposing a girl for Hari Prasad. Premlal: Hari Prasad hasn’t even arrived yet and your wife is already making plans for him, Raghuvir. Raghuvir: Shanti, don’t make any plans yet. I know these boys nowadays. Arey, I have also lived in America for a long time. I know all about America. Premlal: There he goes again. When I was in America…. Raghuvir, you only lived in America for one semester. Aur phir fail ho ke aa gaya wapis India. How do you know everything about America? Raghuvir: Premlal, you be quiet. Tu to kahin nahi gaya hai. What do you know about the world? Premlal: At least I didn’t return after failing in American colleges like you. India ka poora engineer hoon. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Raghuvir, Premlal, do you have to get into that same argument every time? Anyway, Raghuvir, Hari Prasad will never change. You saw him just last year. Even after all this time in America he hadn’t changed a bit. Shanti: Exactly, he was still the same simple boy. Kanta: With coconut oil in his hair. Shanti: Even his clothes are so simple. Jeans to usne kabhi nahi pehen. And as for those strange T-shirts with the horrible designs. Never! My Hari Prasad always wears nicely ironed cotton shirts and pants. Radhika: And kolhapuri chappals. Raghuvir: Jaane do bhabhiji. I have seen all these boys. Par lagte kissi ko time nahi lagta hai. The boys see one beautiful girl there and everything changes. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Not our Hari Prasad. He is a very traditional boy. Just like the rest of our family. Raghuvir: Viswanath Prasad, you never know. When I was in America, I saw…. Premlal (interrrupts him): There he goes again. VISHWANATH PRASAD: But Hari Prasad knows better. He will never do anything to compromise the values and principles of our family. Hamare parivar ki izzat ka usko bhi bahut khayal hai. He is traditional and he will remain traditional. Radhika: But I am still telling you. My Roopa will be the perfect bride for him. Raghuvir: And she’ll bring lots of dowry too. Shanti: We don’t care about that. We like Shalini. VISHWANATH PRASAD: And we have decided that Hari Prasad will marry Shalini. And that’s final. Raghuvir: Vishwnath Prasad, don’t get too carried away. I am telling you. Hari Prasad will walk in here with a gori mem on his arm. And that too a blondie. Then what will you do? VISHWANATH PRASAD: Raghuvir, kya bakwas kar rahe ho. Premlal (sarcastically): But Vishwanath Prasad, Raghuvir saw all this when he was in America. Radhika: Go ahead, bhaisahib, make fun of my husband. But he will have the last laugh if Hari Prasad has changed. Raghuvir: Arey change kya? Mein guarantee karta hoon ki Hari Prasad will walk in here wearing jeans, or wo kya hote hain, ha, wo Nike ke joote instead of his kolhapuri chappals. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Never, ye kabhi nahi hoga. I know my son. Raghuvir: And if he doesn’t have a gori mem with him…. Shanti: I think that’s quite enough. Bhiasahib ki to baate kabhi khatam nahi hongi. Meanwhile the plane will have landed at the airport. Arey Ramu, mala gadi mein rakhi ya nahi. My son is coming back. We need garlands. Raghuvir: Aur us mem ke liye bhi ek garland rakh le na. They all leave, and then re-enter with Hari Prasad and Shyam wearing garlands. Hari Prasad is wearing jeans and Nike shoes. Raghuvir (to Radhika): Ye to gori mem nahi, ek ladka saath mein le aaya hai. He is even more advanced than I thought. Radhika: Chup raho ji. Baad mein chhedna Vishwanath Prasad aur Shanti ko. They said no for my Roopa. And look at their son now. Raghuvir: Nice shoes beta. Nike ke hain kya? Hari Prasad: No Uncle, these are Reebok. Radhika: Same thing. And these jeans are so nice beta. Much better than those strached and ironed shirt and pants. Hari Prasad: Yes aunty. It’s easier to take care of jeans. Radhika: Good beta. You should explain these things to your Mummy and Papa. We have to go now Shanti, but I hope your son hasn’t brought home any more new traditions. Raghuvir: Main nahi kehta tha that these are the same things that used to happen when I was in America? Premlal: Raghuvir, let’s all go. Let Vishwanath Prasad and Shanti Bhabhi welcome Hari Prasad on their own now. Kanta, Premlal, Radhika and Raghuvir leave. Shanti: Shyam, you must be tired. Shalini, can you show him to the guest room please? Shalini: Of course, aunty. Come Sam. Shyam: Okay. See you in a bit Harry. Shalini and Shyam leave. The others sit. Shanti: It’s good to have you back home beta. One year felt so long. VISHWANATH PRASAD: But this time you have changed a lot Hari Prasad. Hari Prasad: Papaji, you have to go with the flow. VISHWANATH PRASAD: And who is this friend of yours? I don’t like him. HARI PRASAD: I told you in my letters and on the phone Papaji. Sam was my roommate last year. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Ye Indian hai to isko Sam Sam kyoon bolte ho? And I don’t like this business of him calling you Harry. Hari Prasad was my dadaji’s name and you should be proud to have that name. Don’t be disrespectful to that name. I don’t want any of this Harry business again. HARI PRASAD: Oh come on Papaji. He doesn’t mean to be disrespectful. He was born and brought up in America. It’s just easier for Sam. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Sam nahi, Shyam. While he is here, you will call him Shyam. HARI PRASAD: Okay Papaji. Shanti: Okay, now that is enough for tonight. We can talk later tomorrow. Hari Prasad must be tired after such a long journey. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Nahi. We will talk now. There are lots of important things to discuss right now. HARI PRASAD: Okay Papaji. Whatever you say. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Hari Prasad, I think this friend of yours is a bad influence on you. Look at your appearance. Those tight clothes and dirty jeans. And what does your T-shirt say? Shanti: He looks fine. In fact mera beta to jeans mein bada smart lagta hai ji. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Shanti, tum beech mein mat bolo. Look at his hair. What is that junk in your hair? HARI PRASAD: Mousse. You should try some too Papaji. It’ll style your hair beautifully. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Style my hair? My hair looks perfectly good. I use coconut oil every day. Even my baap-dadas used coconut oil. And if it was good enough for them, it is good enough for me. And it should be good enough for you too. Shanti: But his hair does look stylish, ji. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Shanti, I told you already. Be quiet. Shalini enters. Shalini: Hari, Sam is waiting in his room for you. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Let him wait. Shalini, you come and sit here too beti. You are part of our family also. Shalini sits. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Hari Singh, aside from changing your appearance back to normal, you also have to decide about your future now. The chief engineer is a friend of mine. I’ve talked to him, and he has agreed to give you a good position in his department. Saath mein government ki car aur servant bhi milega. The salary is good too and you will good receive very good benefits. You can start work within one week. Shanti: A government job. Just like yours. That is excellent. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Yes, it is not easy these days to get such jobs. Hari Prasad is very lucky. He will be continuing in the tradition of his father and his grandfather. HARI PRASAD: Papaji that sounds good. But I am really not interested in a regular 9-5 government job. I want to do something on my own. I have decided to set up my own consultancy. VISHWANATH PRASAD: What? Consultancy? But that’s not a regular job. That won’t bring you any money. HARI PRASAD: Papapji, things might be slow at first, but this is the perfect time for that. VISHWANATH PRASAD: And where will you set this consultancy up? In my garage? HARI PRASAD: No Papaji. My partner’s family has some contacts here who will be providing me with an office when I am here. VISHWANATH PRASAD: What do you mean, when you are here? HARI PRASAD: The work that we do requires that I’ll be working half the time in India and the other half in America. VISHWANATH PRASAD: But why in America? Why can’t you do all this in India? HARI PRASAD: Because I am doing this in partnership with some other people who will be based in America. VISHWANATH PRASAD: And who are these partners? Ye Sam Cooper to beech mein nahi hai? HARI PRASAD: No Papaji, not Sam, I mean Shyam. This is another friend of mine. Pooja. Shanti: Pooja? A girl? VISHWANATH PRASAD: You want to go into partnership with a girl? HARI PRASAD: Yes Papaji, she is excellent at this type of work. She will be perfect. Shanti: I don’t know. I don’t like the idea of girls working together with boys. Those girls don’t have good characters. HARI PRASAD: Oh come on Mummyji. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Your mother is absolutely right Hari Prasad. Look at our Shalini. She is so educated but she doesn’t work. And see how sweet and simple she has remained. Shalini: But actually Uncle, I will be starting to work very soon. Shanti: What? Shalini: Yes Uncle, I will be leaving for America soon too. VISHWANATH PRASAD: But, but, but… Shanti: But Shalini. How can you do that? We want you to marry our son Hari Prasad. Shalini: I am sorry aunty, but I never felt that way about Hari Prasad. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Felt? You don’t have to feel anything to marry someone. Shanti: Sorry Uncle. VISHWANATH PRASAD: What are you saying? But Shalini, your parents and we have decided that you are to marry our son. HARI PRASAD: I agree with Shalini Papaji. I too don’t feel that way about her. VISHWANATH PRASAD: But son, ye to apne parivar ki izzat ka sawal hai. Our family’s honor is at stake. Feelings will come after you get married. I think. Shanti: And beta, we have given our word to Shalini’s parents. What will happen to that? HARI PRASAD: But Mummyji, hasn’t Shalini made it perfectly clear that she wants to marry someone else and not me? VISHWANATH PRASAD: You don’t worry about that. Once she marries you, she’ll forget about everyone else. Shanti: Yes beta, there is no one like you in the whole world. HARI PRASAD: Thanks Mummyji. But anyway, Shalini, who is this lucky guy? Anyone I know? Shalini: You know him well. After all you introduced him to me. HARI PRASAD: Me? But I don’t remember. Somebody from this neighborhood? Shalini: No Hari. It’s your roommate Shyam. HARI PRASAD: Sam Cooper? He wants to marry you? But he hadn’t even met you. Shalini: No, but you put us in touch with each other through email. Once we started writing to each other, we liked each other’s thoughts. Sam enters and walks towards Shalini Sam: And after all this is the age of technology Harry. In this age of the internet, you don’t have to meet. Shalini and I corresponded with each other and felt that we were perfect soulmates. That’s why I was even more eager to come to India. To meet Shalini. And now that we’ve met, I can’t wait even a single day to marry her. Shalini: Oh Sam. HARI PRASAD: But Sam, you said that you don’t like traditional things. You said that you didn’t care for traditional girls. You wanted a modern independent girl to mow your lawn and fix your car. Sam: But that was before Shalini. HARI PRASAD: Is it still Shalini, or is it Shelley now? Shanti: Shelley or Shalini, what is going to happen to my poor Hari Prasad, Shalini? My poor beta had always dreamt of marrying you. Shalini: Aunty, I don’t think you need to feel bad for your son. I think he has something to tell you too. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Now what other shocks does he have left to give us? Shalini: Hari do you want to tell them or should I? Shanti: Don’t tell me. I think I know. Hari Prasad, don’t tell me. You aren’t thinking of marrying that girl you were just talking about? That Pooja? Sam: Pooja? My friend Pooja? I didn’t know you were that serious about her. HARI PRASAD: Oh well. Sam: But she doesn’t have long hair, she doesn’t wear kajal, and she definitely isn’t shy. And most importantly, she doesn’t make rotis, round or otherwise. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Ye main kya sun raha hoon Hari Prasad? Enter all the neighbors Radhika: Bhaisahib, abhi tak kya baate ho rahi hain? Kanta: What has Hari Prasad just told you? Shanti: That he is marrying a girl from America. Raghuvir: Maine kaha tha ne ye gori mem utha ke laane wala hai. Premlal: Oh no, now Raghuvir will always claim to be right about everything. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Gori mem vem nahi hai wo, Indian ladki hai. Shalini: Uncle, her name is Pooja. VISHWANATH PRASAD: I don’t care what her name is. My son will not marry anyone other than the girl we pick for him. Vishwanath Prasad Thakur ka ladka aise shaadi kabhi nahi kar sakta hai. Premlal: Arey rehne de ye Thakur wali speech Vishwanath. Your son has chosen a bride. Now be happy and accept the girl gracefully as your daughter in law. Sam: He’s right Uncle. Pooja will be perfect for Harry. HARI PRASAD: Just like Sam is perfect for Shelley. Kanta: Ab ha kar bhi dijiye Bhaisahib. Shanti: I agree. VISHWANATH PRASAD: Okay, I suppose Thakur family’s izzat will be safe in the hands of my son anyway. Premlal: That’s the spirit. Bhabhiji, aap khadi hi rahengi ya moon meetha bhi karvayengi. They all congratulate each other and celebrate. Raghuvir comes to the front and center. Raghuvir: I just have one question, will Harry’s wife be called Pooja or “Poo”? THE END |